The R Word

I've been wanting to write this post for a long time now. It's about the word "retarded" and how it's used in everyday conversation. I hear it A LOT....at least a couple of times a month. I hear it from friends, people at church, even people in my own family have used it when speaking to me. I hear things like, "I'm so retarded, That is so retarded, My retarded ______ wasn't working", etc.

I take such offense to hearing this word. I have a son who is mentally retarded. Times have changed and now the term developmentally disabled is used more often. But, the fact is that the word retarded is a medical term and not something to be used interchangeably with words like clumsy, silly, or broken.

I was so glad when I opened the newspaper this week and read an article claiming that today is End the R-word Day. The article says "End the R-word day is an awareness effort designating Wednesday as a day to “spread the word to end the word.” A Web site, http://www.r-word.org/, lists organizations supporting the campaign, including Special Olympics, Autism Speaks, the Arc of the United States and about 200 others."

So, somebody else is bothered by the mis-use of the word retarded. Good. Now, please if you are one of the people who uses this word. Stop. Please stop using it and speak up and encourage others to stop using it too. Be a good example. I'm never quite sure how or what to say when I hear the word. Often it's in friendly conversation and I don't want to seem rude. But, the word is wrong to use and unless people start saying so it will continue. So, what I've said in the past is, "Please don't use that word in that way". Once I say it I can see the wheels spinning and the person realizes what they have said AND who they have said it to (a mother of a precious boy who fits the clinical term of this word).

So, today is End the R-word day. Let it be so.

My Beautiful Special Boy

I read a blog today about a little girl with Down Syndrome. It was a touching story. The Mom talks about how many times they have been told "never" about their daughter and how many times the "never" has been proven wrong. Reading this made me think about my own sweet special boy. We have been very fortunate though to have Dr.'s, teachers and therapists who don't give us the "never" speech. The one instance that stands out in my mind is when a speech therapist said to me that Tuba "will never talk, well, not like you and I talk". When she said it my first thought was, "Whatever fool!". My feeling was that we don't know Tuba's limits and we (especially the therapist) should aim high. Reading this post also made me think about when my hubby was in Nursing school and his class was discussing medical ethics. He came home and told me how the professor was talking about "therapeutic abortions". These types of abortions were for couples who had found out their child had a "flaw" like a genetic disease, like Down Syndrome. My hubby said it made him sick and so sad that the majority of his classmates felt a "therapeutic abortion" was the best choice. He said he kept thinking how our Tuba was much lower functioning than most Down Syndrome kids. His comment was, "Who is the abortion therapeutic for? Certainly not the child.". Anyone who has spent time with a developmentally disabled person knows how much they have to contribute. I'm sad to think that as prenatal testing gets more accurate there will be fewer and fewer special babies being born. Yes, it can be hard at times to raise a special needs child. But hard in different ways than raising my other children. There are things about raising Tuba that are easier and more joyful too. The sweet, happy, delightfully innocent boy that is ours is a blessing from God. There is nothing I would change about him. God knew what He was doing and we are blessed by it.