Change

Writing on my blog helps me get my feelings out. Get my thoughts in order. But, sometimes I'm not sure that all my thoughts should be out there for everyone to read.

I've wanted to write about something for a long time but I  refrained. My family and friends read my blog and I didn't want to say what I was feeling in case it was interpreted wrong. I didn't want to be misunderstood.

But, it's time. 

Cam and I have made the very difficult decision to leave our parish. 

Very difficult. 

We are not leaving our faith. We are still Orthodox Christians and we are going to attend a parish closer to our home.

For many reasons...personal and practical...we came to the conclusion that this is the best choice for our family.

Over the past couple of years I have begun to feel disconnected at our parish. My family grew and changed and also things at church grew and changed. I don't like change. Nope. Nevertheless things change. My heart has a hard time keeping up with those changes.

So I waited and stewed and waited and talked to Cam and waited and continued on. But, things have only gotten busier in our lives. And yes, things change. That's life.

As our kids have gotten older they have become more involved in activities and sports, they have more homework. It's a different kind of busy from when they were little babies and toddlers.

If you know me well you know that it's excruciatingly hard for me to make decisions. It has to be (feel like) the perfect decision to me. It makes me crazy and yes, Cam too.

Cam is a practical thinker and a Big Picture kind of person. He made the decision that we would switch parishes. Not that he was deciding for me but he had made the decision for himself. He knew...and I knew that it was the right decision.

But, my heart. I cried and cried and cried. Tears of grief. Cam and I were married at our beautiful parish, we were chrismated Orthodox there too. All of our babies were baptized in that building. I have worshiped there for 20 years. There are families in the parish that we deeply love and will miss seeing weekly. It has been hard. Very hard.

It's been almost a month now since we made our decision and my tears are dry (drier) now. I sent emails to a hand full of friends to let them know of our change. I received some beautiful messages in return. A few people did not reply at all. That does bother me but I am thankful for the kind messages I did receive.

We will visit our old parish too. I'm hoping it feels nice and not awkward when we do visit. I'm worried about that. But, we have friends that we love and lives that we want to stay in touch with. When I met with our priest to tell him about our change he was very kind but also sad. I was relieved that he was sad. It's nice to know we are loved and will be missed.

So, on to the new chapter. We are now driving 8 miles instead of 25 to church. That makes a HUGE difference. The parish is small....small building but has recently purchased a building and will be remodeling/building a larger church. It's exciting to be part of that.

We know most of the families at the new parish. There are some of our oldest friends and some families that we have known just a couple of years. And now we've met several new people too.

The kids are loving the change. They have met kids and are having fun together. They like the short drive too.

I want to become connected in our new parish life so am working on ways to accomplish that.

Change is hard and yes I'm still sad but I am reaping the benefits of this change already. It's going to be a good change...even if it takes some time to get used to.

Seriously, It's a Dog's Life.