20th Anniversary

In January Cam and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. We spent a beautiful morning hiking a local nature trail that we had never been to. The hike started up high and went down through a forest of trees. There was a stream that ran along the trail too. The hike ends at the beach....our favorite place. 

The beach was empty and the view was amazing. You can see the Olympic Mountain range across the water. 

It was freezing cold but the hike back up got us nice and warm. Actually it got Cam nicely warmed and it got me hot and sweaty and breathing hard. It was a 1 mile straight uphill and I am not in as good of shape as my billy goat husband. I took the opportunity to stop and look at moss and ferns and birds....and anything....to catch my breath. 

After our hike we went to lunch at our fave spot. The view was gorgeous! 

20 years!! That's a good solid amount of time to be married. 

What I've learned about my marriage in 20 years...and am still learning.

It takes work. We put time and effort into making our marriage strong. 

When you feel disconnected from your spouse, say so, and do something to reconnect. 

We love each other AND we annoy each other.  Being annoyed doesn't take away from the love. 

It's the little things that mean the most.

We are still learning about each other. 

It's okay (and beneficial) to have time apart or alone. 

You have to be the "soft place to land" for each other. 

Shared history is important to both of us.

For us it's better to go to bed mad. In the morning things will feel different. 

Say sorry even when you don't feel it. 

Take time to hold hands, kiss hello and goodbye and sit together. 

Be each other's biggest cheerleader. 

Zip your mouth. 

Make time for dates. 

Show appreciation for one another. Verbalize it. 

Laugh together. Be silly and crazy and wild. 

I'm excited for the next 20 years and beyond. It's work but it's worth it. Happy 20th to my favorite, my person, my partner, my love. 

Ladder of Divine Ascent

Lent is marching onward. Last Sunday was the Ladder of Divine Ascent Sunday. This morning our priest sent out a quote from the book Ladder of Divine Ascent by John Climacus (c. 579-649). He was abbot of the monastery of Catherine on Mount Sinai. His Ladder was the most widely used handbook of the ascetical life in the ancient Greek Church.

I really like this quote and thought you might like it too. 

"The first step toward freedom from anger is to keep the lips silent when the heart is stirred; 

the next, to keep thoughts silent when the soul is upset; 

the last, to be totally calm when unclean winds are blowing."  

Happy Day

Notice the big knife...hehe...I was just jokin' around before cutting my birthday cake. :)

It's our wedding anniversary today. Wedded bliss! It's amazing to think how much has changed in 14 years. Wow! Although some things have changed the love has remained. The dedication to our family is foremost. We are flawed and we don't always get it right but we do keep working to make our marriage better.

We are now a family of 7.


We went from 700 sq. ft. house to 2000 sq. ft.


We became Orthodox.


Cam was working in a saw mill and we were both students.


We have since earned 2 BA (one each) degrees and one MS (Cam).


We each traveled to Africa.


We have mellowed.


We have grown in our love.


Cam convinced me to drink red wine and I convinced him to eat shrimp.


We have worked side by side on many home projects...and have learned it's better to work on our own. :)


We have seen each other through many hard times dealing with Tuba's seizures.


We have laughed through the years.

We have seen the good, the bad and the ugly in each other.

We have been on many fabulous vacations...All over Washington, B.C. Canada, Wyoming, Montana, Idaho, Maui HI, California, Arizona, and our favorite summer ritual to Oregon coast.

We are very different people and yet the same people we were 14 years ago. We have made each other stronger. Cam makes me want to be a better person. He inspires me and and has taught me so much.

I look forward to many, many more years together.

Get Away

Cam and I had our over night get-away. A much needed, much deserved, much overdue over night away. I gave Cam this trip for Valentine's Day. I thought the day would never get here. Yeah it finally did. And now boo-hoo it is gone. Well, we have the memories to keep us happy until the next time we can get away. This was only the second time since having children that we went away over night...alone!

We went to a fabulous Inn and Spa. Beautiful and peaceful. We left home at 3:00. My awesome MIL came to spend the night with the kids. I made dinner, laid out clothes and meds, wrote instructions and got everything ready for her. I know how much work 5 small kids are and I want her to do this again:) We checked in to a gorgeous room...King size bed covered in down comforter, bed cover and pillows....wood burning fireplace...soaking tub for two...and a view of the river. Nice!

We planned our itinerary carefully. We stayed at this same place 3 years ago. We made the mistake of having our massage first thing and then we were too tired to leave our room for dinner. So this time we had dinner first. We ate over looking the falls. Beautiful view. We were there on a weeknight and the place was empty. We had a yummy dinner and shared a bottle of delicious wine. Then we went back to our room and changed into our robes (provided by the hotel) and headed to the spa. Oh, yah, we did have our swim suits on under our robes. When we checked in the gal at the desk made sure to tell us that suits were required at the spa. After giving her a funny look she said that the hotel gets lots of European guests. Hmmmm...I bet she knows a few funny stories!

The spa is a Japanese style spa. We soaked in the hot mineral pool for about 30 minutes before our massages. Heavenly. The spa has a no talking policy so it is very quiet and peaceful. We both had great massages. Very relaxing. They do this wonderful thing putting steaming hot wash cloths on each area after it has been massaged. Oh, I loved it....especially on my face. After the massage I wished they would wheel me back to my room and dump me into my bed. We could barely walk we were so relaxed and tired. I begged Cam to build a fire. He did and we enjoyed it for about 10 minutes before we were asleep.

I of course woke up a million times...okay about 3 times...thinking of the kids and worrying if they were sleeping good for Grandma. Sis did her usual wake up and holler...3 times a night and wake up her brother in the process. Poor Grandma. The funniest thing is when they got up at 5:00 they laid in bed with her saying, "MY Grandma, NO! MY Grandma!". Too funny...sounds so familiar.

It was so nice to soak in the tub, and then get ready without any little people. I love my little people but they sure do interrupt my get ready time. Part of our package included a four course breakfast. This lodge is famous for their breakfast. We sat looking out the window at the falls with the beautiful sunshine lighting up the trees. We had a lovely leisurely time eating. The breakfast started with coffee. Yes! Served on a beautiful tray with dishes filled with shaved dark and white chocolate, vanilla whipped cream, sugar and a pitcher of half and half. How fun is that? I took full advantage of it. The first course was a basket of scones, muffins with butter and jam. Yum! I had already decided to pace myself and eat only a small bit of each course. The next course was pancakes with devonshire cream and fruit and yogurt on the side. Yum! Next course, oatmeal with butter and brown sugar. Yum! The final course was eggs, bacon, sausage and a wee bit of ham...oh, and potatoes. YUMMMMMMY. Needless to say we were very full. The best part was we had boxes and boxes of food to take home. The kids were thrilled. They mowed through it like locusts;)


After breakfast we took advantage of the gorgeous weather and the beautiful scenery and hiked down to the river. It was a 1/2 mile each direction....straight down and STRAIGHT up. The views were lovely...at least until I was sweating so hard and gasping for breathe that I couldn't see straight. Cam...aka Mr. ADHD who is in super duper good shape was like a billy goat going up the mountain. Annoying! He would run up ahead of me and then come back and then run up again. Sheeesh.

We were home by 1:00...so just short of 24 hours gone. It went by so quickly. I missed the kids and was excited to see them. We hired our dear Meg to sit the kids for the morning. She switched off with Grandma.

It was lovely and I can't wait to do it again. Love my hubby so much and it was so nice to share some quiet time with just him.

Marriage

Marriage is not 50/50...it's 100/100 - Dr. Phil

Marriage is hard work. Seriously. Well at least it is for me and for most married couples I know. It's an up and down, give and take, good and bad, easy and hard relationship. I have been thinking lately about my own marriage and how it has changed over the years. In many ways it is easier now. We have less BIG fights. I'd like to think we've learned a thing or two about getting along...or maybe it's just that we are too busy to fight. One thing I know for sure is the best thing I can do (and Cam too) is to zip it! Yes, close that mouth, zip/buckle/snap/staple/glue it shut! In the moment of passion...when I want to be heard...or more likely...want him to HEAR something...that is when I should zip it. Well, sometimes I manage and sometimes I don't...but I'm always working to do better.

Way back when Tuba was about 3 years old, and Cam was in nursing school and working 12 hour graveyard shifts on the weekends and I was working a bunch of part-time (5 of them) jobs we went to see a marriage counselor. Hmmmm....I wonder why we were having a hard time! Now looking back it makes me laugh to think that we were surprised we needed help. The other part of it was that we had no idea...no conscious idea anyway that all of Tuba's health issues and special needs were affecting our marriage! What a hoot. We were in denial! After seeing the counselor for a few sessions I happened to mention..."oh, by the way, I'm not sure if it makes a difference or not but our son has a very severe seizure disorder and is developmentally disabled.". The look on the counselors face (love that man by the way!!!) was priceless. "Ummm, yes that makes a difference, that is HUGE!" he replied. Ohhhhhhh, okay, we can see now that yes that must be putting an additional strain on us. Doh!!!

Many years have passed since then and many times our marriage has gone up and down and up again. I feel very comfortable in my marriage now....not comfortable like I don't need to work hard anymore or like I can take it for granted. Comfortable like I love it! Comfortable like it feels good to work hard for something that I cherish. Comfortable like I have my best friend right here at home. Comfortable like I know who has my back. Comfortable like having all those shared experiences. We always say to each other "nobody gets it like you do"....and it's true.

I know that in another decade I will look back and think how much I've learned since now. I look forward to all the years in between....and all the work it takes to make my marriage work.