It's been almost 13 years since I became a parent. I have learned so much...and yet I know I have much more to learn. I have parented lots of babies and a few toddlers and pre-schoolers but have yet to embark upon the grade school years...or dare I say teenage years! Of course Tuba is chronologically becoming a teenager but in his development he is still a toddler or pre-schooler in most areas. Now, mix in hormones that will be coming with the teens...YIKES!
Last week we went to visit our friends' church. Fr. Tom is an Orthodox priest and has the loveliest wife, Pat. We love to visit their parish. As we were visiting with them Pat asked us, "So, tell me two things you have learned this last year". We had been talking about the kids and how busy it is with Cam in Grad school. I thought for a minute and replied with these two things:
1. I've learned (or striving to learn) to live in the moment. Don't worry about dinner, or the calendar of tomorrow, or next month. Focus on the task at hand, or enjoy the moment I'm in with the kids...or on the flip side...when babies are crabby and things are falling apart...just stay in the moment...this too shall pass:)
2. Hmmm...I don't even remember the second thing I said....thinking....thinking...hmmmm...I don't know???? Well, I'll just add lib here. If I had to say something else that I've learned about parenting I would say to have a routine. I of course LOVE routine so this is easy for me. But, I really see the value of it. It makes kids happy...and Moms too.
I then asked Pat to answer the same question. She is a Super Mom and teacher, excellent priest's wife and leader in their parish. I knew what she would have to say would be great!
Fr. Tom and Pat have a teenage daughter and a college age son. Her two things are:
1. Find a balance between being strict and having a good relationship with your kids.
2. Find time to spend one-on-one with your kids. She said Fr. Tom does "office hours" with his kids. He pops into their bedroom on occasion and asks if they have time for office hours. Then he sits with them and chats. I loved what she had to say. When I got into the car I wrote it down so I could remember it. Maybe I should have written down what I said:)
I would love to hear what other parents have to say...So, what are two things you have learned about parenting? Leave it in the comments or send me an email camandbeck@hotmail.com. I'll compile them all and post to my blog.
1) I learned that each child has his or her own personality and even though it may not seem fair, I need to address each child as an individual and not as a carbon copy of their siblings. Or at least let each child have their own moment of ascendency.
ReplyDelete2) I learned that there are developmental stages where I do better...I'm better with kids when they reach age two than with brandnew babies... that kind of thing. So not only are my children different but I am different - and my reactions are different - and that doesn't make me a bad parent.
1) When I was having a difficult time with my teenagers, I read somewhere from a professional that when children are teenagers, they are actually mentally unstable. This person went on to say that if anyone else acted this way during any other time in their lives they would be committed or treated as mentally ill. The lesson was that the teenage years are temporary and as long as I remembered to think about what I read, I found it much easier to survive what sometimes seemed like the almost insurmountable things. 2) The second thing I have learned is that I missed so many things that can never be experienced again with my children by being so busy earning a living or cooking or cleaning, etc. Only recently, through your blog and being a grandparent, where the pressure to be a "perfect parent" is off for me", I realize that I should have enjoyed that part of my life more and not stressed as much over things that would have worked their way out anyway, as I now know.
ReplyDeletehhhmmmm, I totally agree with Pat esp now that I have an official teen (14) and one coming up in the ranks (11-going into 6th grade)...that balance between being strict, being their parent, yet still wanting to stay connected.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing I learned is I still have A LOT to learn! Ha!!!
I learned several things being the parent of 2 wonderful girls but the 2 things that stand out the most are:
ReplyDelete1. Raise your children so the rest of the world can love them. I knew I would always love them and that it was my job to make sure that the rest of the world could love them too, so that they would have friends, be able to keep a job, and a spouse. You might love a ‘spoiled’ child but nobody else will.
2. Spend as much time with your children as you can! They grow-up fast, leave for college, get married, and then start their own lives. I know on my last day on earth that I won’t say, “I wish I could have worked one more day, given my job more of my time”, nay, nay, I will say “I wish I would have spent more time with my children, listened better, and laughed more often.”