Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Needs


When my alarm goes off each weekday morning Cam has already left for work. Cam gets up about an hour earlier than I do. He's out the door between 5:30-5:45. 

At the end of last summer I decided that to make mornings run smoothly....ie: not run late...I would get up with Cam each day. It would be great! I envisioned and planned for us to drink hot drinks (coffee for him and black tea for me) together. In my plan I had us making a delicious breakfast together and then eating it while we quietly talked about our upcoming day. 

I was rearing to go. My plan was great. I was pumped. The first day I stumbled out of bed when Cam did. I wobbled to the living room and waited for the water to boil. As we drank our drinks I began chatting with Cam who was reading the newspaper. He mumbled a few replies to my commentary but didn't offer up any conversation of his own. Hmpf....not exactly as I had planned. 

I went off to the kitchen to make veggie omelets. Cam had said he wanted to eat more veggies and I thought this would be a good way to make that happen. I cooked alone but hoped that once I presented Cam with his delicious breakfast that we would visit over our meals. Cam took his food into the living room and continued to read the paper. Hmpf....not even close to what I planned. 

Cam did kiss me goodbye. That part was good. I did also have lots of extra time. I made the kids lunches and took a shower before any kid was awake. My morning went smoother and we were on time. That was all good. 

The next morning I got up with Cam again. I was determined to have the morning I had planned...the morning I wanted....Cam and I and breakfast and conversation. Hmpf.....the second day was a repeat of the first. 

This might seem like a story of complaints about my husband. Oh, I was hurt and I was complaining plenty in my own head. Why didn't he appreciate me? Why didn't he want to spend time with me? I cooked that nice breakfast!

But, then I realized that what Cam wanted...what he needs is to have a quiet morning alone. It doesn't have any thing to do with me, really. I talked myself down from the ledge of self pity. Cam has a very busy, very intense job. Not to mention our household is....ditto....on the busy and loud. Cam's morning is the only time of the day when he is alone...and everybody needs that. 

So I abandoned my super early mornings and grand plans. 

Now when I get up I'm thankful for the extra sleep I got. I love to come downstairs and be enveloped in the smell of fresh coffee and toast. I love that smell. I love to see Cam's empty coffee mug and his breakfast plate. It reminds me that Cam has just been there. I think of him reading the paper. I think of him soaking in the silence. It gives me pause and reminds me to be aware of what other people need. 

2 comments:

Gramma Sue said...

Yes, that morning of silence - for years Keith fixed the kids breakfast. He-who-never-cooks got them off to a good morning start. I could stay up late (past his 8:30 doze off time) to work on school projects, prepare for the next day, be sure the clothes were clean, etc. But that morning I needed for me. Thank you for being the kind of partner who understands silence does not mean rejection. It means a better afternoon and evening. A better weekend. A better partnership. Love to you and love to you both.

tiff.redman said...

I loved this post. To often people can not or will not see/accept what others need. I recently explained to a young couple that marriage is not usually about what you want, its about what your partner needs. If you both put the others needs first the wants take care of themselves. Your perspective is refreshing.

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